Shamanic Journey

As I was lighting my candle this morning, I had a spontaneous shamanic journey that I would like to share. Hopefully this will be helpful in letting others know that the shamanic worlds are working all the time to help us.

The candle ritual for grief suggests that you picture a bleak /dark landscape. On the other side of this landscape is an angel that holds the light of a star. You are supposed to picture the flame of your black candle merging with the light of the angel's star.

So.....I lit my candle, closed my eyes, and tried to visualize the suggested scene. Here is what happened instead....

All of the sudden I felt two hands shove me violently. I fell onto dead/black earth that was covered with broken roots, shards of glass, and sharp stones that went on forever. In horror I realized that I could not stop myself. The whole front of my body hit the ground. These sharp objects were indescribably painful. Every breath I took or movement I made drove them deeper into me. They were cutting and shredding me everywhere. I started to cry...A) because any movement I made to try and sit up made it worse and B) I knew I was going to be scarred forever. With every second that passed the sharps objects were sliding deeper into me from the weight of my prone body. I was terrified, in excrutiating pain, and had no way to stop it. Just when I about to give in and give up, my power animal, monkey showed up. She lifted me to a sitting position. I screamed with the pain and almost fainted with the shock. She began to remove the hundreds of sharp objects that were embedded in me. When she was finished, there were still sharp objects underneath where I sat and the open wounds down the front of me were unbearable. And to make matters worse, there was a blackness that was growing all around me, pressing in on me. I started to panic. I couldn't breathe. Then all of the sudden there was a tiny patch of the greenest grass that started to appear underneath me. Just big enough to cover the area I was sitting. I sat on this grass for what seemed like an eternity, with Monkey sitting bedside me for support as the wounds began to heal....ever....so.....slowly. Once my physical body had been healed, Monkey crawled into my lap. She was not going to leave me. As I made that realization, I began to cry. We sat there together and surveyed the surrounding landscape. There was darkness everywhere. The ground was gray and ashey, and the air was pure blackness and it was steadily trying to push closer and closer into my little patch of green grass. I tried to push it back. I tried and tried and tried. Nothing happened. I was crying again. Then Monkey went to what I call the in between night sky. It exists between the middle world and the upper world. She brought three things back. They looked like energy from stars but there was no light. There was just substance. She came back to my little patch of grass and hurled this dark star substance out into the blackness. It instantly created an energetic, semicircular barrier directly in front of us. The blackness could not  penetrate it. I noticed that I could breathe better. My anxiety started to lessen. With the creation of this barrier, my little patch of grass began to grow behind me. It grew and grew until the entire landscape behind me was vibrant green grass. I took stock of how this felt. I felt relief! The blackness was held at bay. Blessed relief! Then the journey ended.

As I think back on this spontaneaous journey, I realize this.....every single image in that journey represents how I have been experiencing depression...... Having it thrust upon me by my partner choosing to end our relationship..... the hopelessness..... the need for help..... the necessary pain that occurs in order to heal.... etc. But it was the green grass that spoke to my heart the most. My little patch of green grass in the midst of all that despair was the hope, love, and healing of Gaia/Mother Earth. The energy of the earth was holding me, helping me, healing me, and loving me. Knowing this strengthens the barrier that holds the darkness back. That green grass is the healing light that is growing slowly.....so slowly inside of me.

Danica