Discovery of Co-dependence

Just made the amazing, shocking, and relieving discovery that all of my despair has an actual definition. It is called co-dependence. I find it astounding that it has taken me this long to put 2 and 2 together. From growing up in a alcoholic household, to divorcing from an alcoholic and substance dependent mate, to having another verbally abusive relationship end, and feeling like I was emotionally out of control the entire time....you would think that I might have considered this sooner. But no, it took all of the above and a patient and direct counselor to suggest it. I finally went to the bookstore and picked up Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. (Yes we can see a pattern forming. Books seem to provide the spiritual and catalytic push that I need. My father, an ex-literature professor would be sooooo proud :))))) I read the first story and sat there with my mouth wide open. It was as if they were describing how I felt through my marriage. I no longer felt alone and completely broken. I really can not explain the relief I had from realizing what I was going through. I had absolutely no embarrassment. It was as if I wanted to run outside and yell, with joy, at the top of my lungs, " I'm not a fucking freak, I'm co-dependent!!!!!!!" I called my father. My father has been dry for over 20 years now with the help of AA. I love him to death in so many ways. I wanted to let him know what I was about to embark upon. He and my mother were very supportive. Another reason why I love them both oh so very much :) What I did not expect was that the definition of co-dependence is so gray....so malleable......so unique to each individual. For me it was not that I was dependent upon someone or something, I had become dependent upon maintaining through control, all external circumstances to keep my core wounds in place while trying to protect myself in the ways I had learned to during my youth. I could see the opportunity to change years of conditioning emerge right in front of my eyes. Once again....what a relief! And this my dear readers, is the main reason why I have just changed the title of this blog from Shamanic and Wiccan Approaches to Depression: A Personal Account to..... Shamanic and Wiccan Approaches to Co-dependence: A Personal Account. Step one....never be afraid to redefine yourself or start over!

p.s. along with the book I treated my self to these magnetic bookmarks that have the most fabulous pumps I have ever seen on them. A girls' gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Danica